'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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