i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
