Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
