I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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