I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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