Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
