Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
