did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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