I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
