She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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