She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I came so hard my ears popped.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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