YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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