i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
