since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
