Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
