My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
