last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
