where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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