I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
