these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
