It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
