we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
