3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got chris browned last night
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
