I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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