giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
