my soul wont recognize me after tonight
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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