Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
