How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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