He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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