Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
