Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
