she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
God, I missed his penis.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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