She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
