If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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