New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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