I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
