a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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