you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
