After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
