Can i not drive my cunt home
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
