you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm at about main and main street
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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