Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
