i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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