there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
