how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
