I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
