I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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