you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
