It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
