i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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