guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
