I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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