No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We need to get me chipped asap
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
