i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
