The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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