great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
thus making me awesome and them whores
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
