and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize