She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
