We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
