Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
