RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
