Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
