i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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