absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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