so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
