three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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