Non-Jews are for practice
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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