there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
