after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
